as part of the adoption process, we both need to write up an autobiography detailing our childhood: how we were raised, who raised us, what they were like, how they disciplined, how they fought and settled disagreements, etc. if you know me, you might have an idea as to how difficult writing this has been for me. i never thought i was the type of person to hold a grudge, i always said i wasn't. then i read over my writing to do some edits. it wasn't the writing itself that got me thinking, but my thoughts to myself as i did the reading. i thought, with a wry grin, "should i die soon, this should be read as my eulogy, as a reminder to the people who would be there to cry for themselves and their guilt. a reminder of the harm they did me and that they have only themselves to blame for that deep guilt they would be feeling." thats when i caught myself. maybe i am the type to hold a grudge, after all.